The past couple of weeks had been hectic and exhausting for me, in health, energy, mind, body and even my soul. All along I thought I am a mum with super power and an everlasting battery to boost my power. But I was wrong. I am no super mum and my battery gets drained out too; even faster if I failed to address its call for a recharge.
Since the start of August, members in the family had taken turns to fall weak and ill. Started with the Dad who then passed on the virus baton to the littlest in the family. With everyone is close proximity and both girls staying home since I cannot bring just one girl to school while the other is unwell, the elder one fell ill soon after just as the littlest was recovering.
For mums with two little ones you would know all these leads to only one thing – lack of sleep. I was having less than 5 hours of sleep for the entire two weeks each day and just as I got to go into deep sleep, someone would need my attention and I’ll be awake again. After two weeks of this on-going lack of rest, and me continuing to push myself to get things and work done into the late nights, led me to my final breakdown.
I knew my body was screaming for attention, I knew I needed to get myself to the doctor, and I knew very well I needed to take care of myself before I can take care of others. But all these didn’t lead me to doing what I know was right. I pushed on and on and then that very day I just couldn’t do anything at all.
Well, I did try, but the pain, sore and aching bones and joints, the constant hammering in my head led me to remaining motionless and still in the living room while I watched my two girls keeping themselves occupied. The toys all over, the crazy mess, the biscuit crumbs over the floor… all these didn’t matter anymore.
When the father came home that day, with him also feeling under the weather, I surrendered. Not giving anymore thoughts into what if and can he handle the girls alone. I just had to go get myself lots of rest and sleep. With two extra strong Panadol and a good 12 hours of sleep, I was able to continue my routine the next day.
This period was probably one of the hardest I’ve ever experienced since I became a mum. It really takes a lot of care and discipline to maintain a healthy mind and body. And it is even more important for mums to take proper care of ourselves, because the family needs me more than I needed myself. This a lesson learned.
From now on, I would leave whatever there may be waiting for my attention and action till the following day. No more late night blogging, replying of emails, preparing the campaign pitch not even any leisure activity. When it’s time to sleep, I MUST sleep. Because I don’t want to suffer the same torture I did to myself and my body.