I’ve been working for myself for the past 4 years, then there was no big commitments and no family that I have to provide for. Those were the days when I was younger and powered with limitless energy and gusto. Fast forward two years and things changed. I got married, became a mother, directions and priorities in life changed. Running my own businesses with a baby to take care of was a great challenge. There was a lack of push power for me to persists on with my businesses. Things slowed down and eventually sustaining the businesses was just too tough and almost impossible.
Since the birth of Baby Ayra, I’ve been the sole caregiver and companion. We spend everyday and every minute together. I am blessed to be able to spend a good 17 months with her while wrapping up on-going projects from home. It was the most precious, loving and memorable 17 months, witnessing many milestones and developments in my baby girl. We have both gotten very dependent on one another, knowing we will always be there in bed in the morning when we open our eyes.
Soon reality hits. With another big change coming soon in our family, we need to ensure we will be able to live comfortably and be able to support our children through education and their lives. It is just not possible to sustain one family and house and the living standards in Singapore with a single income. Decision was made that I have to get a job. Lucky enough, a few came knocking on my door immediately when I posted my search for new career on Facebook. In less than two weeks, I got employed and started work the following week. I thought I was mentally and emotionally prepared for it. I thought it was going to be easy. But I was wrong.
The first week of our new routines was painful for us all. Ayra will be under the care of my mother on weekdays and will be home with us on Friday and back again to her grandma’s on Sunday night. I cried myself to sleep on the first night without Ayra. I keep telling myself, up till now, that this is for the best of our family. We will get used to this and we will all be happier and be even more closely knitted, treasuring every moment we will spend together. This will make our time together even more precious and we will take more effort in making sure we spend quality time together.
Over the week, we will visit Ayra at my mum’s place after work or have dinner together. Ayra melts my heart when she greeted me in glee at the door when we arrive. The one hour or so every few days give me the boast I need to survive my time not with her. Every hug, every kiss, every tap on my back with her tiny hands and every “Mummy” from her fills my heart and soul with warm and love. Ayah too needed all these from Ayra to help him through times away from her. Though he doesn’t show it as much as I do, but deep in him misses her very much too.
The weekend came and gone too quickly. We stayed home lazing around, playing, laughing and enjoying happy family time. Ayra was happy to be home, she kissed all her dolls and teddy bears when she got home, played and messed up her room on Saturday and stayed closed to me and Ayah whenever we are in bed or lazing in front of the TV.
For me, I take every opportunity I have with her to cuddle, kiss and talk to her. Though she may not understand every word I tell her, but her nods after every question gives me assurance that eventually she will know.
Today’s the second week and writing this post makes me miss her even more already! Till we meet again on Wednesday, I have photos of you by my side at work. Missing you very much baby! Love you lots!