Stop Staring at Me and My Screaming Child

A recent scene at a food court during dinner peak hours got me feeling rather upset and angry. It’s not the hysterical crying from my grouchy toddler nor the mess she created on the table with our Salmon Pepper Rice. What got me very upset was the stare and dagger eyes I received within that few minutes from people around us.

You do not know me nor my child. You do not know what went on before the scene nor why I am doing what I did that very moment. You do not know that the little one was exhausted and grouchy due to lack of sleep for the day. You really do not have the right to stare.

Zara is in the period where she is learning to cope with her emotions and anger. Her form of telling us she is not happy or wants to do things her way but got rejected is to throw her biggest fit anywhere anytime. Doesn’t matter if we were in a crowded mall, if she doesn’t get the attention she demanded she would simply throw her butt onto the floor and give her loudest cry.

If she’s restricted to movement and has no way of throwing herself to the ground, she would start her hysterical crying and screaming that will send any embarrassed parents carrying her away from the crowded public space.

But for me, I do just the opposite. I let her be. Because she will eventually stop. She needs to learn that crying or throwing tantrums doesn’t get things fixed. She will just get overly tired after the outpouring of emotions and she will feel worst than before.

We have been doing this to her since she turned two in August. Her period of terrible two is triple times more than what we had to encounter with Ayra. Our number two is much more strong headed and I may say much smarter than how we thought she really is. She know how to take over our mind and drive us crazy just so she gets what she wants; all the time.

Though I really am not bothered by how strangers think about our actions and way of handling the situation, but I just can’t stand them whispering amongst their companions and the stabbing dagger stares from them. You may be an expert in child discipline in your own rights, but please mind your own business and keep your eyes away from us.

I wonder how would they feel when they are in the same situation themselves and being starred at for the whole duration. #notsoniceright

 

Terrible Two Even More Terrible with Number Two

Oh boy! I don’t know where or how to begin recording this core memory of ours with our number two. With Zara turning two next month, we are already feeling the strain and exhaustion from guiding her to learn to understand herself, expressing herself, controlling her emotions and knowing what’s right and wrong, what’s acceptable and not acceptable behaviour.

Being the strong-willed child in the family, she is constantly challenging our limits and tolerance to her high pitch screams. Her signature antic is the plunge-self-on-floor-scream-and-lay-face-down-and-cry motion. This happen almost every single day! When she couldn’t get the chips she wanted, when her sister didn’t want give in to her demand, when Mummy’s hand was too busy to carry her, or when she couldn’t get us to let her do what she wanted to. When we are at home, we would just let her cry herself out and leaving a small puddle of saliva on the floor; because she needs to learn what is wrong and not acceptable, so we try not to give in to her. But when we are out in public, we would try not to let her get to her extreme stage unless absolutely necessary. Either we try the distract-till-she-forgets tactic or we grab on to her preventing her from getting to first step of the plunging antic.

One of those days where she got cranky while in the train home.

It’s MINE!” she would insists when we have our phones or tablets in hand and proceed to snatch it off our hands. “Can you help me?” will come next when she require our password to unlock the screen. Then she would swipe through the screen like a pro and tap on the too-familiar YouTube icon and give us her million dollar smile. Zara sure knows how to cool off any kind of heat we may get from her!

Since she was 20 months young, she started requesting to do things on her own. “Eat… self“, “Do… self” and “I can!” are the commonly used phases when we are feeding, changing or trying to help her wear her shoes. This I’ve to thank the child care for starting their toddlers young. Zara is also able to tell us she needs to poo and would do it in the toilet, we didn’t even try to train her. Probably because she sees her elder sister doing it and picked it up on her own. That’s toilet training in progress already. Can’t wait to get her totally off diapers, hopefully by end of the year!

As we move towards the Terrible Two phase for the last time with our number two, I really hope I be more patient, more kind, more forgiving and more tolerable with what may be thrown at me by this little cheeky daughter.

Zara, oh our dear precious Zara. Please do learn to control and express yourself ok. Mummy and Ayah really do not want to scold you every day just because you don’t want to listen to us. And please stop giving us the “I don’t care nor give a damn” look. It really drive us crazy! Come what may!

When Ayra meets Zara – Bonding two children in the family

Getting the elder child to learn and accept a younger sibling is a tricky thing especially when they are two years apart. Zara, our second girl arrived slightly less than a month before our first child, Ayra, turned two. Every parents know the challenges ahead when a child turns two (they don’t name it “terrible two” for nothing).

The elder child’s need for more attention, learning to control and express more emotions, learning how to get what’s on her mind across to adults and so much more new (and sometime frustrating) things to explore and experience. With so much on hand I must be crazy to think that a two year difference in age is a good thing for my girls. I told myself a 2 year gap is great course they will both be able to share the same stuff, play together and learn together. This ideal dream was brought down soon after baby Zara was born, when my mum warned that 2 years difference is going to be a huge challenge ahead. According to her “philosophy”, when the gap is less than two the, elder may still be unaware of the changes and if its a gap of 3 years, the elder child will be more mature to accept a younger sibling. No matter what lies ahead, I am up for the challenge!

It has been more than month now and to me, I am happy and grateful for how my girls have grown and bonded. Elder sister, Ayra has grown to love and show her affection to the little one. When she’s at Grandma’s place, she’ll often ask where is Meimei (younger sister), and when she’s at home with us she will often ask to carry Zara. In her words, “Ayra toyie. Ayra toyie Meimei.” Yes, her carry sounds like toyie.

There are times when I have to carry the little one and Ayra will cry for my attention. And there are times when the little one is feeding and Ayra will demand for milk at the very moment. All these will past. And soon both girls will be sharing giggles, love and stories of their own; leaving me out in little parts of their lives.

I’m thankful for my two girls, my husband and my family’s support. I salute all the mummies out there who are able to look after more than 1 child alone. Till Zara turns 1 (at least), I doubt I’ll be able to handle both of them together alone for more than a week without any help from my family.

I love you my precious babies. I promise to love you, hold you, cherish you and be there for you always.