I am angry every day.
In the morning, I get angry when I try to wake my girls and they refused to budge. I get angry in the day due to lack of time to complete all the things I need to for the day. I get angry in the evening because the girls don’t want to feed themselves and refused to finish their dinner. I’m angry again at bedtime because the girls refused to sleep! I’m angry even when I’m the only one awake late into the night because I still have 999 things on my to-do list for the day… for the week… for the month… “WHY SO MANY THINGS TO DO?!”
I’ve never wanted or thought to be a perfect mum. Because I know I will never be. I’m such a lazy mum that gets distracted very easily and spent too much time worrying about everything in life, at home, at work and the kids.
My girls, especially the youngest, is starting to be like me. They are always so angry at each other, angry at being forced to do things, angry at our constant reminder to get moving, angry at having to do their work from school and even angry at being asked to go out!
A few days ago I read this post and my mind went blank. My girls are angry so often because of me! I reflected back to how I had been communicating with them, how I shooed them out of the room because I was trying to work on a proposal. I shouted at them when they dropped their food over dinner, I gave them the devil stare when they refused to follow my instructions.
Strangely, I only get angry and mad at my girls. But I don’t show anger when faced with angst moments at work or with peers. Is this the norm? Do other mothers feel and behave the same too?
I want to stop being an angry mum.
I am The Loving Mum! Yes, I do love my girls too much, but I haven’t been loving myself (nor my husband) as much as I used to. This is probably one of the reasons why I am forever angry.
This year, on Mother’s Day, I pledge to change and stop being angry. It is going to be very very very tough, but I am going to do it. I am going to take more effort to be aware of how I talk, react and express my emotions towards my girls. I will not let the anger side of me surface as much as it had been. I will step back and take deep breaths before I react to situations when I am around the kids. I will do my best to become a peaceful mum and slow down my pace a little a day. I will love myself and my hub more, do things that make us happy and always try to sneak time off just for us.
If you are reading this and if you ever see me being angry, please remind me of this post. Remind me to stay peaceful. Help me get the angry mum out of me.
Happy mother’s day to all my friends who are mums. Hang in there and feast on all the chocolates you want this weekend! We deserve it.