It’s back to you and me

Dear Ayra,

When you wake up tomorrow morning, you will notice the house is quieter and emptier, you may feel a little sad when you don’t see Grandma and Grandpa waiting for you in the living room. Our day may seem a little longer than before as we try to keep one another company without causing much trouble to one another.

After two months of help from your Ah Ma and Ah Gong, they are going back to work tomorrow. This time they will probably have even lesser time than before as they start their new business at a new place, with new food offering and also longer operating hours. They may not have much energy left after work to play with you. Days will not be the same again.

I am a little worried and scared. Having them around makes our life much easier and fun. You got to spend time with them in the day while I get proper work done. With them back at work means late night work and lesser sleep for me. The cause and effect for lesser sleep and rest for me also means lower tolerance level, more mood swings and tiresome Mummy. I hope you will learn to understand that both of us have to learn to give and take. We need to start giving one another our own space in the day. You have to be more independent and less reliance on having me within reach all the time. I have to start learning to let you cry out loud till you realize that crying will not solve every problem. Pampering time is over, you need to learn to grow up on your own. I blame us adults for showering you with too much attention and pampering. This shouldn’t be the way for a baby to grow. Time to bring on the stern and expressionless masks.

In three months time, we will be undergoing another major transformation in our life. Moving into our own home with just you, Ayah and me. At such young age, you have to go through such drastic changes within a short period of time, perhaps you will become mature at a pretty young age too.

I am a little afraid. Afraid that I may not be able to handle so many things on my own in the day. There are still so many important decisions to make so that our family can have a better life in the future. All these adult’s business is really challenging and sometime heart wrenching to work out. I hope you will not have to go through such challenges too soon.

Grow slowly but steadily my baby girl. Take each learning step one at a time. Before you learn to walk, please try not to do stunts like flying off beds and sofas. Mummy’s heart is getting weaker by the days.

Loving you deeply,

Growing with my baby girl

Every morning, after her first feed for the day, I’ll let her sleep in bed with me. Today we had a little playtime before she dozed off to continue her daily morning naps.

She was sitting up and throwing herself down back into the pillow in her own, wiggling herself into my arms and nudging her hear against my chest. All the while smiling and giggling with me. I looked at her and realised she has grown and changed so much within 8 months!

Having her in my arms for the first time then, she was so tiny and fragile. Now she is strong and active, exhausting all my energy every day. I’m glad to be able to stay by her side 24/7 and showering her with all the TLC she needs from me. Soon I’ll be spending lesser time with her as I get back to paying more attention into my companies and projects.

I know I’ll be missing her all the time when I’m not with her in the day. I know I’ll be looking forward to getting home and holding her in my arms while she rest her head on my shoulder. I know she will miss me too and will be delighted to see me home from work. Just the thought of these days approaching soon makes my heart aches. A part of me misses my professional life, a bigger part of me is already missing my time with my baby girl.