The Girl Who Doesn’t Smile Turns Five

My first born turns 5 today! The quiet princess who is otherwise known as “the girl who doesn’t smile”, a title given to her by other kids. It’s not true that she doesn’t smile, she just doesn’t smile all the time! Ayra since young has been the shy girl who’s afraid to express herself when with unfamiliar people. Up till today, at 5, she’s still the same or perhaps a little more confident but still very wary of how people see and think of her.

The Perfectionist

Ayra doesn’t want to do things that she is not confident with, she refused to read because she’s uncertain if she’ll be right. She gets frustrated way too easily whenever she do something that’s not up to her own standard. When in front of unfamiliar people, she choose to stay reserve and hide behind a shield; the shield that prevents others to read what’s on her mind.

The Artist

Ayra loves to paint and draw. Give her a set of colours and paper, she’ll draw you a beautiful princess, a pokemon or a family portrait sometimes with additional friends she like from her class. Let her pick doing her homework from English class or to paint, she’ll happily focus on painting pictures after pictures (so that there will be no time left for homework).

The Caring Sister

I’m glad Ayra is growing up to become a very caring and sensible elder sister. The two sisters are always looking out for one another and have their unique way of loving the other. Of course there are plenty of fights, snatch and cries, but everything resets itself after a short or long nap.

The Sensitive Girl

I make her cry, a little too much. When I fail to fulfil my role as her Mum she will be very upset and often meltdown happens. At the moment of anger (or just because I’m too occupied with task on hand) I will raise my voice at her just so she stop repeating her request. And always almost immediately I regret how I handle it. Seeing her break down and cry pains me. But I do it over and over again, the subconscious simply choose to forget all these emotional tortures for both Ayra and I. Sorry Ayra for making you upset so many times. Mummy will learn to control myself, but please also try to learn to listen to me and not make me keep repeating myself till the point it pisses me off.

The Girl Who Doesn’t Smile

Those who rarely get to interact with Ayra will only get to see that expressionless face of hers. That’s just her being her. But once she warmed up to you and finds you less threatening, she will open up and be comfortable with you around her. This is when you can see the other (rare) side of her which only close family members get to experience. The happy and cheeky girl.




Today, Ayra turns 5! The best 5 years of my life because of Ayra and Zara. Mummy loves you! 

Let’s dance!

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Things My Three Year Old Is Teaching Me

Zara officially turns three today.

Flashback to the day she was planned to come into this world (few weeks before she was due because of placenta previa) – the c-section procedure where you can hear and feel everything happening in the bright and cold operation room, that first cry of joy, the first touch with her in my arms and my first kiss on her tiny forehead. That day was magical and an emotional one for my husband and I.

Now a three-year-old, my little adult, who so often emits that strong mature aura that frightens me. Over these years I have learned and is learning so much from her. My pride and joy, my dearest baby girl Zara, thanks to you I’ve got a teacher that shows me what is it to live life with less stress and agony.

It’s ok to cry.

She is the drama queen in the house and in class. Every little thing that frustrates or irritates her will make her cry, and sometimes drive her crazy. She will cry, even if it’s just a short while, and there after she’ll be fine like nothing has happened. Learning from her anytime anywhere also can cry character, I have learned to sob and melt down when I have to. Whenever I have too much bottled inside me and didn’t know how to react I will just let myself go. After releasing those bottled up emotion and thoughts I get my focus back and am able to move forward. So cry when you want to, it helps one forget and move on.

Kickback, slither and lepak!

Zara sure lives up to her Chinese zodiac sign! A slimy slithering snake who is always ready to curl right into her act whenever wherever. The Mummy and Grandma are her favorite targets – slithering and twirling herself all around our body like a snake with its prey. She would throw herself in the most relaxed and bo-chup manner just to get that stretch or comfy rest on her back. Thereafter she’ll give a very satisfied smile to show how much she’s enjoying the moment in the comfort of our embrace. I do that whenever I can too, and it sure feels damn shiok.

Demand And You Shall Get It (Most of the time)

Being the youngest in the house usually means she get whatever she wants and is able to do whatever she want to do. Most of the time the girls will be keeping themselves occupied with toys, books or the iPads. Once a while, the girls will fight and cause havoc just because Zara wants whatever the sister is playing or using. Or the other way around. Usually when that happens, the one who cry the loudest or demands first win.

As we grow older, we somehow forget how to ask or demand for things. We have learned to take on responsibility on our own and avoid troubling others with our demand. But sometimes we really neeeded that extra help to make things work or a demand from family or friends to make oneself happier. I’ve learned to never be shy or afraid to ask for something, as long as it is legit and no harm caused, just ask and usually you’ll be surprised how much support and help you will get in return.

A big hug a day keeps bad thoughts away.

Every day we hug, a great big teddy bear kinda hug, for comfort. That few seconds of touch makes all bad happenings, thoughts and emotions go away. It is that magical. When Zara is feeling down, I’ll give her a hug and she would throw herself into my lap and surround herself with Mummy’s love. These contacts not only help calm her but also makes me forget my bad day and how tired I may be after a long day out for work.

Thank you Zara for teaching Mummy these little things and more in life, thank you for your love and hugs. Happy Birthday my feisty princess. Let’s grow old together. To an awesome year ahead!

Love Mummy.

Ayra The Funtastic Four

Everyday I look at you, with 100% focus, I see a different you. You have grown so so much and I am asking myself where has my little Ayra gone. Your words, your actions, the way you scream and cry, the way you interact with your toys bringing them to life and how you can transform from a 3+ year old to like a 7 year old instantly; you are always amusing me.

I have been treating you rather unfairly lately, wanting you to behave like a big girl and stop crying and screaming for little things every day, just because you are turning four. How silly of me to do that! You are ONLY four!! And I must admit you have been doing very very well already.

You have learned to give-in to your younger sister at play, you will off the TV, pack your toys and switch off the lights and fan when its time for bed, you let me explain to you why things should be done the right way and the one-thousand-and-one reasons why you need to listen to your parents. You know when to give in and accept that you are wrong.

Ayra, my darling 4 year old, you really have been growing up well and Mummy is very proud of you.

We do of course still have our many days of unnecessary melt-down, screaming and angry moments, creating too much blue and red memory balls in our long-term memory. All these will one day be gone and forgotten and those which ended up into our core memory will serve as a reminder of how and why we do things the way we are. It is ok to cry when we are sad, but screaming just because you cannot get what you want or due to the lack of rest is really not acceptable, Mummy will help you get over this phase so you know how to better control your emotions.

I love it when you wake up with a big smile and jumping out of bed on your own. I love it when you “lecture” me for not doing things I promised to do and you really sounded like an adult, just like how I would say the same to you too! (insert sweet voice of Ayra) “Mummy you know right, you are always working working working, you must remember to cut my nails ok. You must remember you promise to play with me and bring Meimei go out you know. Mummy you know?“.

Thank you for being such a lovable, smart, outspoken (when with me) and understanding 4 year old. Together we will do more happy things, we will guide and teach one another the many joyful things in life, we will share and create many many yellow memory balls and we will share our emotions and cry if we have to. Mummy promise you I will do my best to provide you with the best I can and love you 101%, and also will always remember to give you and Zara 100% focus everyday, even if its just for that short 30 minutes.

Happy 4th Birthday my darling girl!

Stay curious, keep smiling and fill our family with your love. Please try to be less shy when surrounded by family members and friends, Mummy know you can be the way you are even in big groups too. You just need to pretend everyone you don’t recognise as invisible and they cannot see you. LOVE LOVE LOVE you very much Ayra. Happy birthday darling!

Zara The Terrific Two

That day when I walked out from the kitchen with your huge rainbow cake, that smile on your face lighted from within you, that precious moment I wished I had captured it on video or photo. That sweet innocent delighted smile witnessed by myself and your grandma, I wish I will never ever forget. Now a yellow memory ball stored in my core memory powering my family planet.

Today you turn two. My second born, the one who reminds me of me.

You may be the stronger headed child, with incredible will power and that special instinct to know exactly when to do what you know would drive everyone insane. The totally opposite as your elder sister whom you just have to snatch every single thing she is holding in her hands all the time! And yes she does that a lot too to you. Mummy is slowly getting used to this and started letting the two of you sort things out on your own.

Zara you are such a lovable and forgivable little girl. Your crazy laughter is insatiable and will forever be contagious. I love mumbling into your tummy just to hear you giggle and laugh, tickling you so much that both of us would lay flat laughing together.

You love to squeeze between me and my computer whenever you have a chance to; squeezing my thighs, blocking my view with your baby scented head, and the occasional head tilted back with big round eyes asking for my attention (or to let you watch YouTube on my mobile).

Our body clock seems to be working in sync every night, with every gentle stir in your bed (which is in no way connected to mine) I get awaken too. And when the clock strikes 0330/0500 we would both be awake and we know what you will ask for next. Then it repeats again around 0800/0900. It’s ok you know to ask for milk, but Mummy really hope you can sleep through every night so we can all have good undisturbed sleep. Oh and Mummy is still very puzzled how you can transform your sleeping position so many times every night! Some of your favourite pose are with both arms and legs wide open spinning 360-degree a couple of times, snuggling on your tummy with all arms and legs hidden out of sight and the most disturbing one must be you climbing up onto my bed and pushing yourself into my underarm and smelling it through the night.

For everything you do and will be doing in the days ahead, Mummy hope you will always have your goofy and cheeky planet working; bringing more laughter into our house.

Happy Birthday Zara!

May you one day (soon) stop looking for your Tu-Tu and show everyone more of your unblocked adorable face. Love you ge zillion!

Ayra is THREE! Her first celebration at Playgroup

Three years ago, this little baby popped out of me after more than 20 hours of wait.

Ayra - Day 1 @ 14 Sep 2011

And now she’s 3! Growing up to become a very fine lady, ever so shy and gentle (except times when she’s lacking in sleep).

Fun Outing with Ayra

Her first celebration this year was with her sister’s 1st birthday gathering at home with family. Having two girls slightly two weeks apart, it’s going to be a lifelong journey of busy end-Aug to early-Sep celebration for us. And not forgetting the 10 years of school where Teacher’s Day means busy-mummy-day that happens in between the two birthdays! #notcomplaining

Continue reading “Ayra is THREE! Her first celebration at Playgroup”

Ayra turns two!

It was a cosy celebration for Ayra’s second birthday. As Mummy was still doing her confinement, we gathered at home and spent loving time together as a family. We had the cake you picked from Swensen’s and ordered pizzas for dinner. You had fun opening your presents, and we had fun watching you getting excited about them.

Baby you’ve grown so much and everyday you matured a little bit more, understands life a little more, grows to love, forgive and give. There is nothing more to ask for in a daughter than who you already are.

Ayra, Mummy loves you very much.

WW: A First Celebration for Baby Girl

After a month of planning and sourcing, Ayra’s first birthday celebration was held on 8 September with families and friends. It was not perfect nor quite the way I dreamed for it to be, but it was still great fun, memories and joy. Ayra would have enjoyed even more if she had taken a nap before the crowd started to fill the place.

Ayra with her Rilakkuma birthday cake

Here’s some photos from the day’s celebration for my second Wordless Wednesday post. Continue reading “WW: A First Celebration for Baby Girl”